Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
