You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
