Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
