the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That was before I lit my hair on fire
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
