1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think my tv is drunk
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
