Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
