when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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