did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
