it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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