im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
