Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
