hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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