All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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