Someone shit on the floor
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize