there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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