we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
