shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
