He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
