you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
