I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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