it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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