we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
