I skipped work to stalk him.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
