I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
