you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
