Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
