I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
