I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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