my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
