One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
