After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
