if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
