I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
