Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
