Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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