It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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