Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
how does that bad decision feel?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
