watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
