maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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