Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
