dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
