remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
