Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
