Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
