his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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