T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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