I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
