Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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