Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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