You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
