my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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