Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
