You're completely useless in the revolution.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize