There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
