He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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