1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
