For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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