guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
