There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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