you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize