I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
