Me too!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
