Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize