I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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