we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
