I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think I am morally bankrupt
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
