My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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