I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
the raccoons are back...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
