i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
