The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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