I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize