i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
These tits shall not be calmed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
