I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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